Say no and mean it with Sandi Givens
October 16th, 2007 . by Janet BeckersI was really looking forward to our call today with Sandi Givens. Sandi is the first of our five winners of the “Gold member Opportunity - Instant Product Creation Competition”. It was an excellent call and we were very lucky to have this opportunity to learn from Sandi’s experience as she speaks internationally on her passion which is to empower people, especially women, to Shatter the Glass Ceilings and live the life they want.
Today Sandi talked about assertiveness, or what she refers to as Self-Assured Personal Expression. She had some great insights on the differences between assertiveness, submissiveness and aggression. I especially liked her rejection of the traditional ways we look at this and her much clearer way of looking at the way we respond to situations.
Sandi talked about situations where we are “other centred” or “self centred” and it is amazing how clear this makes it to decide how you will react when you are put in a position where you feel pressured to say Yes when what you really want to say is No. And you know what is a really nice off-shoot of this. It is so much easier to decide what is important, where your priorities are clear on how to create “balance”.
Why this is so important
Of course, this is only a fraction of what Sandi talked about. You can listen to the recording in the Gold member’s area later today. I can’t stress enough the importance of listening and applying a lot of what Sandi has taught. Every single successful woman I have interviewed so far has stressed that the most important thing they did was sort out their own thoughts, values and sort out any emotional baggage they are carrying. This is essential before you can move forward.
In fact I share a story on the call about a situation I faced that forced me to make big changes in my life. Changes that Sandi gives such great direction on in her book “Women on the Move”. I would not be enjoing such a wonderful life now if I had not gone through that process and I encourage you to do the same.
Some Great Strategies from Sandi
Sandi gave some excellent strategies for developing assertiveness. You can hear them all on the recording but I want to share one with you that I intend to implement this week. You can hold me accountable.
Sandi suggested buying a beautiful note book and call it your “Victory Journal”. In this book you write each day (for a start anyway) a bullet list of things you did well that day. They don’t have to be huge, though of course the really big ones go on there. Even things like “I met a deadline” or “communicated with a cranky person without losing my temper” or “wrote down potential topics for my ebook”. You use this book to look back on when you are frustrated with yourself, having a bad day ect. We don’t celebrate our wins near enough do we? The nice thing about this book is it isn’t about what other people have said about you - it is about what you have said about yourself. I didn’t realise the impotance of this until Sandi’s talk. So that’s my commitment. I’ll start a “Victory Journal” and I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’d love to hear your feedback and any ideas you have applied from Sandi’s call today. Sandi has also made a wonderful offer for our members and I do recommend you get it. I have been reading her book and it is excellent. You can see it here: http://www.wonderfulwebwomen.com/recommends/sandi2
Cheers
Janet
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I think the Victory Book is such a great idea. I am certainly starting one for myself and I am going to encourage my 12 and 16 year old daughters to start one for themselves as well. Thanks. Margaret Saunders, www.BedtimeAndToiletTrainingSolutions.com.au
Well a little feedback on my quest for a “Victory Journal”. This reminds of when each of my children were born and I decided to choose a special book for each of them where I would write secret letters to them as they grow up. This is a book I intend to give them as a gift when they are adults themselves, and perhaps lucky enough to be parents. Well, I had to get the perfect book (handmade paper of course) and then the perfect pen, and then the perfect occassion to write my letters. My daughter was crawling before I wrote my first letter to her in the perfect book with the perfect pen! So, I have to admit I have not found the perfect book to use as my perfect “victory Journal”. But I did learn a lesson the first time around. What I have done, while searching for the perfect book is to start writing victories for the day in the desk diary I use every day to write and cross off my “to-do” lists and notes. It’s almost a bity like a “done List” but with a twist. Here are some of the things I have written:
took the time to create a flow chart for a coaching client who was having trouble understanding a concept - she was very grateful
I keep my office filled with fresh flowers from a garden that other people in my office block walk past without noticing.
I spent time helping my children plant a garden and focused on them the whole time without getting distracted with busy work
It may not be the perfect journal yet, but it makes me feel very calm to read these entries any way in amongst the clutter of a busy work diary for the moment.
I’d love to hear your ideas. You can read some beautiful thoughts in an article submitted by one of our members this week: Five Steps to Discover Your Life Purpose - by Cate Ferguson. Just log in and search for the latest articles under the article link on the left hand side of the members area. Cheers Janet
It is so great to hear that Margaret and Janet have started their Victory Journals - yahoo! I do hope some other Wondreful Web Women and people on the call have done so, too.
It is so important to be able to validate ourselves, rather than reply upon our external world to continually do this for us.
You go, ladies! (and great to have your kids doing this, too, Margaret - good thinking!).
Best wishes to all - and remember to live your leadership! Sandi
Unfortunately I missed Sandi’s call, however I did hear her speak recently at the Melbourne Business Mums Conference. I have put so many of Sandi’s suggestions into place since then (early September) and am reaping the benefits.
One of the main things I’ve learnt to do is to say ‘no’ when I feel it necessary, rather than thinking ‘no’ but agreeing to whatever is being requested! I thought this would be so hard but after you’ve done it a couple of times, it gets easier. Thank you Sandi.