This week I challenge you to really be honest with yourself. When you see people who have created success in their life is there a voice in your head that says “It’s alright for them because of……, geez they’re up themselves………..”, etc etc?
Do you resent me when I share a win with you? Go on. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.
This week I share:
- Why this is so common (yep I’ve had those thoughts like everyone else)
- Why this sabotages your own success
- How to change it (a simple strategy that worked for me).
To find out more, watch this quick video in this week’s episode of Wonderful Web TV. Your Monday dose of Motivation, Mindset and Marketing.
I’d love to hear your comments and any tips you’d like to share. Share your thoughts below. I’ll come back and join in the conversation.
Cheers
Janet
P.S. If you like this episode please, I’d love you to leave a ranking and comment over on itunes.
Here’s the link (you can also subscribe here too)
I find other people’s success to be inspiring and I don’t resent it at all. I always think that if other people can do it then I can do it too and it motivates me to get my ass into gear.
Talia´s last [type] ..Free Hypnosis Online Audio Training Course
Great that you use your inspiration as a motivation to get your ass into gear. That’s the thing that many people miss – the action!
I’m with Talia. I find the success of other people totally inspiring. I don’t understand the whole Tall Poppy Syndrome and why human beings would want to do that – in the end they are only doing it to themselves.
I love your success, Janet, and quietly celebrate each milestone that you make. I also love how you share when you stretch yourself out of your comfort zone and the rewards you get to reap because of choosing courage. More power to you!
Yes, clarity of direction and action is the key. Having great role models like Janet to inspire us is a huge help!
I agree Lily, Janet is a very positive influence with her down to earth but upbeat style
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Thanks Lily and Talia. Often it takes courage to even share you are stretching yourself because that means you also have to share if it doesn’t work!
I agree Talia. Such a shame we have turned into a nation of whingers (I’m ashamed to be an Australian sometimes). Better to be inspired by those who are successful and get on with trying to be like them, or otherwise just get over it!
I do wonder if we get more of these messages through our culture here in Australia Judith. I know these were messages that seeped into my brain simply by going to school! It takes a lot to de-program ourselves. I’ve visited the USA many times on business and the term “Tall poppy syndrome” just isn’t part of their culture. in fact I found it difficult to get people to understand the concept there!
The tall poppy syndrome is endemic to NZ too and I agree Janet, the boldness in America and the lack of a self-imposed ceiling is a major cultural difference.
Talia´s last [type] ..What is an eBook?
Is it the Tall Poppy syndrome which is a part of the culture.? I really admire people who make good and succeed through their own hard work and innovation. These people are inspiring and I say good on you. Be true to you and what you stand for and you have every right to succeed. And I celebrate it….
Celebration is so important isn’t it? That’s something you do so well Nina it’s not surprise your new business is centred entirely around celebration!
Good post Janet
I used to think that if only the ‘Rich’ people would share more of their money with the sick and homeless then there would be less people dying and on the streets. It was only as I started to open my eyes and my mind that I became aware that it is the majority of ‘Rich’ people who DO give so generously of their time and funds to help all manner of causes. I hold no resentment against people who are successful and admire the hard work and effort they have put into getting where they are. I wonder if the Tall Poppy Syndrome is fading out as we build tribes and help each other out to achieve our best, and success is becoming more common. I find you and all the lovelies in your community very inspiring. I can’t imagine not wishing the best for them.
I remember when I was young /er
Kerry-Anne I’m not convinced success is more common but I bet the circles you choose to associate with now, success is common for them!
No! No! No! Of course I don’t resent anyone who is successful!!
Success is learned behaviour!!
I want to emulate others success!!
If you can do it, I know that I can too!!- The better you do, the harder it makes me try!!
I promote what you do to almost everyone new I meet every day. I hope that one day someone will do this for me too!!
2010- I was working in a job I hated and I had to remove myself from that toxic environment surrounded by resentful people- I knew it wasn’t me!!
Fast forward to – 2012 I have educated myself by reading copious amounts of books, and surrounded myself with positive people who want to support and share in my failures and successes.
Everyone can learn to be successful. First step is to control any self-limiting beliefs!!
Have an awesome week!!
Cheers, Tayna Honeychurch
Thanks so much for sharing what I do with the people you meet. I’m very grateful. Love your observation that success is a learned behaviour.
I don’t resent you but I do find it tiresome when marketers tell me all about their experiences and why they are the best and their system is the best – without actually telling me what the offer is.
As to resentment. It is a concealed demand. When you know what the demand is you can assess whether it is realistic and whether you wish to do something about it.
Great observation that resentment is a concealed demand. I’d like to hear more about that.
Get somewhere by yourself and express the resentment with all the venom that you feel. You can imagine expressing to a particular person or to something representative or just say it or write it.
You will find that you end up voicing a demand. Perhaps to be listened to or cared for or not demeaned. It may (especially at first) be unrealistic: I want to be a heart surgeon or prima ballerina tomorrow! But usually it isn’t.
Then you can look at ways to meet the demand. Perhaps you need to leave a relationship or change the way you do it so that it is better for you. Perhaps you need to take the first step toward an important goal or toward a strong desire.
Does this make sense. When we are stuck in resentment we tend not to get to the demand. Once we know what it is then our options for action can open up.
Brilliant explanation Evan thanks. I’m sure this exercise will help a lot of people reading.
Brilliant!!!
I Know the greeneyed monster or Janteloven as we call it in Denmark. I don’t want to, but I do. I think it springs from not taking the steps you need to be taking, wether it be from lack of courage or just postponing (maybe they are the same)
And I love the recipe that Evan just posted. I think ou have to aknowledge a thought to make it dissappeare.
Thanks!
Well there you go…you learn something new everyday. I googled Janteloven and how fascinating. I never realised that was part of Scandinavian culture too. So much so that one of your authors has identified the following 10 rules (according to Wikipedia):
The ten rules state:
Don’t think you’re anything special.
Don’t think you’re as good as us.
Don’t think you’re smarter than us.
Don’t convince yourself that you’re better than us.
Don’t think you know more than us.
Don’t think you are more important than us.
Don’t think you are good at anything.
Don’t laugh at us.
Don’t think anyone cares about you.
Don’t think you can teach us anything.
Thanks for sharing.
As a woman who began my new business at the age of 50 I am inspired by other mature age women who have done the same. I am learning from these wonderful women just as I am learning from you Janet. I say “share your success stories and inspire others!”.
Congrats Bev for taking on new challenges when others would use 50 as an excuse to take it easy. %0 is the new 30 I reckon.
Great post Janet … and I’m with the ladies above. I don’t resent people’s success … I have experienced other’s resentment … and for a time it actually paralysed me and stopped me from speaking about anything that I did … and then I thought bugga it – that’s their stuff – and I’m going to share my successes. If I hear someone has done something or achieved something … and I want to achieve that too – if I can’t find out how they did it – I figure it out and do it my way. I LOVE to hear other people’s successes and failures … I’m very curious about how people overcome obstacles as well. But resent it … no I don’t relate to that emotion.
I’m very glad you share your successes Julie. I love the energy you create with your very genuine excitement about your growing success.It’s infectious
Hi Janet
I used to be one of the people who resented the wealthy. Growing up in a economically challenged household with a mentality that said “get a job” basically any job no matter whether you love it or hate it meant that the idea of being wealthy was like the idea of flying to the moon. I admit that when I saw someone go past in an expensive car I would think “wanker” and struggled to understand why someone would spend thousands on a car. It wasn’t until I got into some of Anthony Robbins teachings and started to understand the idea of money as an exchange of energy that my thinking shifted. I worked on identifying my ideas around money and started to experiment with it. I used left and right handed writing to identify my sub-concious fears and beliefs and worked on clearing them. I started noticing what I thought when I saw wealthy people, and challenged my assumptions that to be wealthy you had to exploit others.
I used vision boards and images of material things I wanted to achieve and started to explore what my “ceiling” was in terms of what I felt comfortable earning. After starting my own business and knowing what it takes I have a lot of respect for people who succeed and now instead of resentment I want to pick their brains to see how they did it and what sets them apart. I’ve learnt that resentment is such a wasted emotion because underlying it is the idea that you are a powerless victim. I have not yet reached the level of success materially that I would like to enjoy but I have succeeded in changing my beliefs and without that you have no chance!
Great observation Nola that underlying resentment is the idea you are a powerless victim. Spot on.
Janet,
Thanks for sharing this.
I have to admit that this was an issue for me – although I wasn’t consciously aware of it.
Just the tut or the shake of the head when someone in a flashy car drove by.
Since I became aware of what I was doing, I have stopped that and it has made a big difference.
I was always consciously congratulating people and do now seem to have managed to bring the unconscious in line with that.
Great point though Janet and thanks for sharing.
Ruth Thirtle´s last [type] ..Stop apologising and start appreciating
Not sure what happened – stop apologising and start appreciating appeared from nowhere!!
Sorry
Hey Ruth the line “Stop apologising and start appreciating” wasn’t put there by you. It’s put there by us! We use a wordpress plugin called Comment Luv. This puts a link at the bottom of your comment over to your latest article on your blog. It’s our way of sharing the SEO juice with the people who comment. Our way of saying thanks by giving you a link back to your own site so the search engines rank you higher.
Love that you have identified Ruth that you were saying one thing at a conscious level but thinking another thing at the subconscious. Very few people develop that awareness which is why so many get stuck.
Thanks and thanks!
Hi Janet
, but I realized that I felt resentment from my family and friends because they perceived that I was more successful just because I married a guy who earned more than they do. etc etc.
I don’t resent you at all
That blocked me from creating real success in my life and following my real passion because what I wanted to do was not what they expected of me in fact they pointed out that I was unworthy of any success.
Being the little sister creates that mindset in older siblings.
Luckily I don’t do the ‘poor me’ thing:)
I am celebrating the fact that I am a Qualified Life Coach and building my business around that by buying a new car….
Thanks for your little snippets of encouragement.
Family, despite their good intentions, can so often create the biggest barriers can’t they? Woohoo make sure you send us a photo of you in your new celebration car, over on our Facebook page.
I admire successful women and men it is usually built on hard work determination it takes over your mind body and soul and it is great when it works. I also love it when they share their knowledge, passion and mentor. It is great when they are humbled by what they have achieved.
I enjoy other people’s success unless they look down on me because I’m not as successful as they are. Sometimes people forget where they came from… which might be where I am right now. It’s hard to celebrate with someone who’s clutching all the cake!
Great episode, Janet.
I suppose that when someone is successful it may trigger another person’s unconscious limiting belief in them-selves and therefore that person will be uncomfortable; they feel inadequate. Instead of looking at themselves and the limiting belief, it is often much easier to denigrate the successful person. Quite often when we put someone else down, it is more a reflection of our own fears and limiting beliefs.
When I did my life coach training, one of my intake group had everything in his business set up within 5 weeks of the initial training weekend. While I didn’t resent him, it did raise a lot of stuff for me. Once I settled down and looked at the excuses I made such as, he had the connections, the contacts, the time (he wasn’t working) etc,etc., I realised that comparing my situation to his it was not going to work in my favour. If I looked at how he got to that stage and did the same then I would have what he had. You are right Janet, we can learn from others. All I had to do was acknowledge that I started at a point different to where he had started and learn to do what he had done. It really had nothing to do with me not being good enough.
Tanya Honeychurch is right too, remove yourself from toxic situations, resentful people and the doubters. Success means different things to different people. It’s part of our individual value systems. While some covet material things, others don’t. For some people doing what they love regardless of the money and material goods is success.
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Absolutely! These are insidious little subconscious programs that reside in the deepest, darkest recesses of our mind that most people don’t even realize are there!
That’s why I’m such a huge fan of Emotional Freedom Technique and Sound Healing which are incredibly successful at reprogramming the brain, changing our vibration and reframing subconscious negative beliefs that are holding us back. It’s really turned my life around in all areas of my life.
This human experience is a very complex puzzle that is begging to be solved! Thanks Janet for bringing these truths into the conscious awareness of others so they can change them.
Cheers,
Marguerita
I just love reading all your messages. This is a great place to be, so upbeat and Janet you keep us all on track with your emails and videos! Thanks for that!
Re resentment, I’ve felt it before, and always try to clear it when I feel it. It’s hard to move forward if you feel that others resent you or you resent them, for sure.
Resentment goes along with all those other irritating feelings, that I’d rather not feel anymore so I’ve decided to go on an exchange program. I’m exchanging old negatrons for fresh, new positrons – they make me feel better anyway … what can I learn from them? instead of wow that’s a nice car, how come they get to drive it? … that’s a great exchange …
And … better to learn from super successful people than struggle along the uphill path without a map – of course that’s why we love to hang out with JB …
I’m a little late to this conversation but wanted to add a thought or two.
While we don’t have the “tall poppy” mindset (or expression!) in America, we _do_ have the “rich bastard” resentment. As if to be rich, one must have been a son of a b*tch to get there. It’s not universal, but it is definitely a subtext in our culture and in some people a very active voice in their heads. I know in my middle-class family, with parents who grew up as working poor in the Depression, people with a lot of money were looked at with suspicion. People weren’ just rich, they were “filthy” rich, emphasis on “filthy”. Yes, it does take rethinking and reprogramming one’s relationship to money to get rid of negative thinking around the subject
My other thought is that sometimes resentment is caused not by negative thoughts around others’ success per se, so much as because we are projecting angers that are actually self-directed. An example of this is an artist who is blocked, and resents the successful artwork and sales of others. It is actually frustration at one’s own inability to create (or blockages in creating)that are being outward directed. When the artist starts to create, the resentments vanish because the internalized frustration/anger is no longer there.
I think some bad attitudes towards the success of others may sometimes hae a similar cause: being blocked. The solution would be taking positive action that moves one forward on the prosperity path.
Can I just say what a reduction to seek out someone who really knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know methods to carry a problem to light and make it important. Extra individuals need to learn this and perceive this side of the story. I cant imagine youre no more well-liked since you undoubtedly have the gift.