7 Steps To Get Your Partner To Support Your Dreams

janet beckers and douglas beckers

Janet & Douglas, Photo by Anya Klay

This week I got a great email from one of our members that made me laugh, and then think seriously. Cath Resnick has booked to join us at The 4th Dimension Workshop in Sydney on 6th to 8th of August. In her email Cath said “I still have to get the final OK from hubby – but he seems pretty OK about it BECAUSE IT IS YOU! (Is convincing hubby the 5th Dimension?).

I laughed out loud at her 5th Dimension joke but you know what? Whether you are male or female and whether your life partner is male or female, we all have the same problem. How do you get the support, or the “buy in” from your significant other?

Getting your partner’s support could be for coming to our workshop (or any workshop for that matter), buying an education program, starting a business, spending the money on your first domain name or getting that new pair of shoes.

It doesn’t even have to involve spending money as time is just as important.

How do you convince your partner that the late nights you spend learning how to set up your online business are a good investment of your time, and their loss of your attention?

I often am told “You are so lucky to have the support of your husband” and I know I am. But you know what?

Like anything, getting support for your dreams is just like making a sale. You need to know how to make the sale and how to keep the sale. This counts for every thing in your life.

So, If getting support from your partner for your goals is just like a sale, let’s look at the tried and tested formula for a sales letter, sales audio and videos. Like any genuine sale, it is not manipulation or deception. A genuine sale provides all the information a person needs to be able to decide if they want to “buy in” and the environment to make the decision without stress.

7 Steps To Sell Your Partner On Your Dreams

Welcome the viewer: In the case of talking to your partner about something as important as their support of your dreams, create a welcoming environment. Don’t try and discuss this in the middle of getting dinner ready. Grab a cuppa / bubbles and sit down.

Establish Credibility: In this case you will be establishing how serious you are about your dream or goal. This will show them this is not just another fad that is not worth spending time on.

Use a hook or cliff hanger: This keeps the viewer wanting to stay to the end. Everyone, yep even people who love you, will be thinking deep down “What’s in it for me?”. Let them know that you’ll tell them at the end, something that will make it all worth while for them.

Share Your Story: In sales, this is so people can relate to you. This is because people like to do business with people they like and relate to.  Hopefully, with your partner, you have a bit of that groundwork covered. This is the place to share your passions. Why you are so passionate about this and go into a bit more depth on what ground work you have already done.

Paint the Problem: Remember, this is a sale so we’re not talking about YOUR frustrations and problems. We’re talking about them. So this may be they are living with someone who is frustrated, or they are tied to a nine-to-five job and would love to have more freedom. You may have children one of you wants to be home with. Think about why YOU have this dream and it may also be a similar motive for your partner.

Provide The Solution: In a sales letter, audio, video this is the main body. So it works similar for your sales pitch here. This is where you want to lay down some facts and case studies. Examples of what has worked for others and why you think it may work for you.

This is also the place to deliver  on your promise you alluded to in your hook.

To know what promise will work best (equivalent to your offer in a sales pitch) you need to know what their biggest fears are and the biggest benefit. You need to think long term and short term here. So long term it may be lifestyle freedom but in the short term, you will need some other offers.

For example, if their biggest fear is the time it will take you, I suggest you negotiate the amount of time you will spend on your venture, balanced with time with them and family (this is a good discipline for yourself as well).

If their fear is money, you can assign a budget together. You can point them to the number of free resources you can access to learn how to build your business.

If their concern is time AND money, then you can present information on mentors that will save you both time and money in the long run.

HINT: You can also have some fun here. I’ll leave it to your imagination 🙂

Call To Action: You don’t want to spend all this time and action, moving towards a sale and not close the deal. In sales it is “fill in your email” or “click here to buy”. With your partner it may be:

  • Let’s work out a time table together of times I will devote to my new venture, and time balancing my life with yours, or
  • Let’s agree now if I have your support to book a workshop, invest in a program, take a sabbatical from my work, or
  • Lets agree now that you will not undermine me with doubting language (if this has been a problem) and instead you will re-frame your language to be one of support.

A Word of Warning on Crafting Your Message

I made this mistake myself and I have seen many people (both men and women) make exactly the same mistake.

You cannot expect your partner to have the same dreams as you. In your ideal world, you and your partner will be inspired by the same passion and both strive towards the same goal. They too, will want to be at the same events, working late at night to learn how to master Internet marketing and be fascinated by SEO and Opt-in rates.

Don’t aim for this. It is unfair to expect your partner to get sucked into your jet-stream just because you want them to. The sale you are after is their support. You want them to encourage you, not undermine you.

Anything that comes later, is a true bonus and you know that it comes from genuine personal interest rather than just kindness. In many cases, your partner can get involved doing things that you do not have a natural ability for, and they have the satisfaction of doing something practical to help you achieve your dream.

After all, in my books, a great relationship is one that helps each partner be the best they can be. It works both ways. Your partner may have hidden dreams as well and will appreciate your support. You may be surprised at the common ground your different dreams may have after you work through this process.

I’d love to know what you think. I’m sure for some people, the thought of approaching their partner in this way is horrifying. For others, I know it can change your life. Love to know what you think.

Cheers

Janet

P.S. If you are coming to The 4th Dimension Mastery Workshop you will have the chance to meet Douglas The Wonderful Web Man. He works full-time as an ecologist, because his passion is conservation, but as you’ll see, he is also very much a part of the success of  our company, Niche Partners.


Comments

  1. Cath Resnick says:

    Well, I just have to be one of the first to comment on this article!

    Love your 7 steps Janet, and particularly your comment about not expecting your partner to ‘share your dreams’. Like you, I am incredibly fortunate to have a very supportive and even encouraging husband. In fact, he has continued to have belief in my dreams even when my confidence was failing.

    We have had a lot of practice, in that we have worked together in the same business for almost a decade, and work with amazing synergy.

    Even so, we find it is important to come together regularly to revisit and re-assess what our joint dreams are for the family, for our lifestyle, for our business and for our future. We don’t make assumptions. That way, we make sure that no matter which direction our individual paths and dreams take, we still share the same vision and goal for our lives together.

    This, for us, is more important than any business success – just one of the priorities we jointly share.

    Looking forward to 4th Dimension Mastery, and meeting many more Wonderful Web Women.

  2. Janet,
    What a beautifully written article!
    I am blessed to have an extremely supportive husband in all that I do even though at times he feels like tearing his hair out (oops, that’s already gone!) when I come up with my next great idea.
    I had never thought about our conversations as being like a sales letter, but you know what, you are absolutely right about that approach.
    What folks need to have is a good enough relationship in the first place, that the conversation can actually take place. Sometimes that means taking them out of the hum drum of everyday life for an hour or so (perhaps just for a coffee at a quiet cafe), or maybe even a few days.
    Either way, the time spent together will be great for both parties.
    No matter what the partners decision, they will still want to know WIIFM (What’s in it for me?).
    Great article Janet.

    Fay
    .-= Fay´s last blog ..What Happens When You Listen to the Wrong People =-.

  3. Hi Janet, it is so true that you can’t expect your personal dreams to be your partner’s dreams. Your advice is spot-on. I too have a great partner and what a blessing.
    However you may have readers whose main relationship is very shakey and they must face the reality that change of any kind will have a ripple effect: they might need professional relationship counselling to help them both through it, and that can be wonderfully liberating and enhancing.

    Best wishes,

    Bev
    .-= Bev Ryan´s last blog .. =-.

  4. I dont have a partner, but I have teenage girls and I can see how this could apply as well.
    Its a fabulous article Janet, one of your best.
    And I love the photo and your lovely RED shawl.
    Marg.
    from
    ChildrenAreEverything.com.au
    BedtimeAndToiletTrainingSolutions.com.au

  5. Great article Janet.
    I also think it’s important when garnering support from our partners to realise that

    1. some partners will be like Doug and want to be very involved
    2. some partners will be happy to know what’s going on and hear all the detail….but not really want to be active in your business venture
    3. some will be happy for you to go ahead but really don’t want to hear all the detail.

    To avoid being disappointed or annoyed by their behaviour (either under or over involvement) you need to discuss each persons expectations and the way things will run going forward.

    My partner is fabulously supportive, but is happy for me to be in business while he pursues his career. So his involvement in my business? Unconditional love and moral support.

    If you’re coming in August maybe your partners would like to come along and learn more too:) Hope to see you there. Lenore x

  6. Great article Janet. My husband has always been supportive of my dreams, my career aspirations and I of his. But I have to be honest, my goal was always to be a couple business and it took me 5 years to find that mutual passion that we both shared and could be mutually fulfilled to make it happen. But once it did happened, it turned out to be the best thing ever.
    Is it easy? Heck no. Do we disagree on the direction of the business? Heck yes! But because the vision and the goal and the dream is the same the rest is just a strategy that can me created, nurtured and fostered over time.
    We love our dream team and I would not like it any other way. But I totally agree with Lenore in saying that it is not always the same for other couples and that is okay. As long as you both support each others goals then life can be great.
    Thanks for another fabulous article Janet.
    Cheers
    Pam
    .-= Pam Brossman´s last blog ..Social Media Woman Launches =-.

  7. Thank you for this Janet, it is one of the things I struggle with and you have given me new insight. While my husband and I think alike in many ways we are different in two key areas: I prefer to work independently, and make my own decisions without having to consult others – my husband is a team person and likes to make joint decisions. I am heart focused and very happy to take risks and fly by the seat of my pants – my husband likes to have everything mapped out to the last detail before doing anything and is particularly focused on money and security. In the past when I have talked to my husband about my business it felt like I was having to submit a detailed business plan to a bank manager – I always came away feeling very flat and unsupported and hence now have a strong reluctance to talk to my husband about my business at all. Yet I want us to be together, walking in the same direction, understanding and accepting each other. My husband and I have some bridges to rebuild. Thank you for the ‘prod’ that we need to take the time to do it and thank you for the tools that I think will be effective to help start to make it happen.

    Blessings to you, and Doug

    Janine Lattimore

  8. Janet, great article, thank you.

    Just the nudge from the Universe I needed this morning as I sat taking my business and life too seriously, feeling a tad peeved that my nearest and dearest ‘don’t get it’. Woe is me now back to WOW is me. 😀

    Lenore, I hadn’t thought about my partner being supportive AND not invested in hearing the details about what I’m SO passionate about. There I was trying to involve him when I could just ask him how much he wanted to be involved! Doh.

    What a laugh I’ve had to myself this morning, Ladies. Thank you!

  9. Brilliant article Janet. Des has always supported me and my dreams. I do remeber many years ago when we were given the opportunity to attend Tony Robbins unleash the power within- I was keen to walk on hot coals and Des who wasn’t into all my personal growth stuff said you like me to go this with you as long as I don’t have to walk on coals- he came he walked on coals and that weekend changed his life. He went on to assist on the fire team
    You never know where it might come from
    .-= Suzie Cheel´s last blog ..My Passion Test =-.

  10. Hi Janet,
    Thank you so much for this post…I think people have more trouble then some expect getting their spouses or sig others to understand. My hubby was reluctant at first. It only took one time for him to make a rude comment to me about wasting my time before I let him have it and he never has used negative talk again. They are sometimes just like unbelieving friends that think you are wasting your time. Show them the money and hmmmm…That tune changes doesn’t it?
    .-= Diane L Fisher´s last blog ..Don’t Fight The Wind =-.

  11. This is just the Best article Janet! Well done.
    WOW, I love how you have made the parallel between personal and business ‘strategies’ to achieve the outcome you desire. It’s all about right pacing heh! Then you can bring everyone on board…

    Think you are inspiring and helping a lot of people with what you wrote here. You sure sold me!

  12. Great Post Janet, i love what you have here sometimes we get so caught up in emotions its hard to look at personal relationships this way, you have done it so wonderfully 🙂
    .-= Belinda Lindhardt´s last blog ..Work in progress – a bit more on this one 🙂 =-.

  13. Great article Janet – when I find a life partner I will have read it enough times, and seen the great results that I will be able to put it to use.
    In the meantime, I’ll put some of it to use with my family and friends, as being a single mum, it is them that I need to rely on for support in time and thoughts.
    See you in August….
    .-= Samantha´s last blog ..There is a chill in the air =-.

  14. Been there Samantha – recently engaged after being a single mum. It’s a long journey, one i have discovered never ends despite finding a new partner 🙂 … Enjoy August 🙂
    .-= Belinda Lindhardt´s last blog ..Work in progress – a bit more on this one 🙂 =-.

  15. Thankyou so much Janet

    All those nights over the the last few months..on computer putting my vision in place.

    Very conscious I had not had balance at home for a couple of months but you know when you are so focussed and you just want to get it all in place. My partner and son are wonderful and we reached a real turning point the week before my launch as he expressed his feelings about my abscence even though I was in the same house.

    So glad he spoke up it was a real wake call for me I was so focussed on creating a wonderful future for my family was not being mindful of how they were feeling.

    After this he came and asked me to show him what I had been doing and now we move forward again to new possibilities…and a lesson learned.

    Thank you for the wonderful post!
    Continued success Michele

  16. Excellent article Janet. I have incredible support from my partner. It is a give and take. As much as I appreciate the support, my support returned is very much appreciated too. Relationships are a give and take.

  17. Hi Janet,

    Excellent article, that I wish I had read years ago. My husband was not so supportive of my goals (he’s a believer in the monthly paycheck “security”), and I started my business a little bit in spite of him. It would have been easier if I had had his buy-in then, especially since I struggled for several years.

    I’ll keep it bookmarked and email it to anyone I know who wants to start a business.
    Karin Stewart´s last blog post ..Time Management for 2012 podcast: 3 5-minute tips

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